You know, as I write about life purpose and how this drives us forward, I can’t help but think, oh, I must define it, and I must know it well, and I must be reminded of it daily. But this is missing much of what I’m learning through this series. Perhaps, even though it’s the driver in our life, it’s dangerous to “fully” understand and define it, for we actually don’t know it until it’s already happened. We don’t know it until we see all the events.

In my own life, I’m going through a major life transition, (as so many others during the terbulate times of corona virus). It took my girlfriend and I a long time to recognize that we are better off going separate ways. For months (and still to this day), I couldn’t understand why this was. We both thought that this was where we were suppose to be. This is our purpose. We both consciously prayed for and asked for a relationship just like the one we had, truly.

So we fought and fought to spend life together and to make each other happy and to grow together. We felt like everything we worked on before this relationship was for this relationship. And we held onto that purpose, that image that we had prayed for. We squeezed it until no longer it had air.

For how long did this image make us completely blind to our internal needs and how we weren’t getting what we needed from each other?

I had wanted a bi-lingual relationship. A partner completely different than me. A partner who makes me more present and more alive. A partner who betters the world in the now. A beautiful partner, so my critial mind could shut off and ~I~ could feel beautiful too. She had has everything, everything that my conscious self could see and could plan for and look for. But the unseen forces had different desires for both of us.

And I still don’t understand why, why we didn’t work, and what the purpose was. I won’t for a long, long time. Not until I live out my life. And when those final days come, whether it’s soon or in a 100 years, on that day, I’ll finally see why. And I can sleep.